The Struggle is Real

Have you ever prayed for something and nothing seems like it ever changes? You can't shake it. You plead for your struggle to move from you. To somehow make yourself be stronger than the struggle.
I look at myself in the mirror and say you know better than this. You don't give in to this. You shouldn't struggle!

Why is it as Christians we find it necessary to act like somehow we aren't human anymore. That when hard things happen we aren't suppose to react. That we aren't suppose to feel. That we aren't Christian enough if we do. The longer I walk with Jesus I see believers make little room for the Grace of God in their life. They don't do church they forget what that really looks like.

  For a season I forgot what the Grace of God means to me. That there is absolutely nothing I can do to get my way through a struggle. That when I felt like I should be capable of handling the trial that was coming my way. That in the tragic moments the ones that shook my faith and tore me up from the ground up. I questioned every part of my walk and if I was stupid to believe in this God. See I'm not afraid to tell you that anymore. I am not afraid to share that the devil tried to take me out. In the moments that I would walk into a church and panic. It would take everything I had to walk in and sit down. Me a Pastor's wife. A worship leader. A woman of God for over 14 years. How in the world would someone like me lose my footing. My heart became so hard towards church and life with other believers. I couldn't breathe. Honestly at times I still can't breathe. If I am completely transparent I am still trying to regain my footing.

What happened? Why? I chose to believe the lie from the pit of hell and allowed it to jack up my heart. Jack up my belief system. That a tragic shouldn't of happened situation in ministry took me out. Made me flee and I chose to run to a cave and lick my wounds. I beat up on myself for not being able to overcome. Where is your faith I would say to myself. I would try to will myself to worship something that is so much a part of my being and would just flow from me but I couldn't anymore. I literally felt my heart turn to ice.

God is so faithful. He wasn't and isn't detoured of His captivating passionate overwhelming love for me. I can pin point a few times in this season where I could feel Him remind me He very much loves me no matter the condition of my heart. That he grieved with me the things that believers say to one another, the damage that we cause to each other. I remember times where all I could do was just be angry. He was still there! He is still on the throne and my struggle so real and ugly doesn't shake Him. He gently shows me how to heal. How to make room in my heart for the local church again. He even shows me a future with ministry something that I am terrified of ever doing again. He can move the mountains and silence raging storms. He overthrows the darkness and shines light so I can find my footing again.

The struggle is real and as I walked this season with what seemed like a full on war to my health to my family to our ministry, He shows me to be the believer that roots herself in Grace. For when we are rooted in Grace supernatural, mind blowing, life changing truth can take root.

For when I am weak than I am strong!

Doing Hard Things Well

John 5:20 “For the Father loves the Son, and shows Him all things that He Himself does; and He will show Him greater works than these, that you may marvel.”

Part of doing hard things well, isn’t just the change it causes in us but shows light to those around us. How we work through the hard stuff brings glory to God. 

I can think of many times when I walk through what feels like torture and I think about the father getting glory out of it. Honestly, my first reaction is REALLY!!! Is this necessary! Part of being able to get away from the Why me mentality and looking at the mountain and saying Greater things are ahead over this mountain and this mountain is going to teach me something for that greater part of my journey. 

God gets more glory out of us being a success and conquering the mountains in front of us. The light shines brighter in the darkness when you lean on the true light to guide you out. When we live our life full of trust for the loving kindness of God and that He will work all things together for our Good, it takes what was meant to destroy us and springs up a well of courage, joy, and faithfulness to see us victorious. 

I know in my own walk with Christ I have lived so idle in moments where God was waiting for me to Run. Taking seriously what God has purposed us for causes Heaven to Invade earth. We don’t just live to see heaven someday and meet our maker by the skin of our teeth. No he gave His son to conquer the power of death in our lives. He sent Him to spring up a abundant life in us for the taking. Its not just about going to church and sitting hearing but encountering the power that Jesus came to fulfill in our lives. The way it was meant to be. Heaven is all around us and its up to us to walk in it. To work through the death in our life to see the New Life spring up. 

We can sit and wallow in all the brokenness that lays in our life or around us or we can climb out of the pits and get a different perspective. When the spirit of God tells us to move, we move. Don’t wait for another moment the equipping, the grace to move you out is there for the taking.

Understanding Pain

James 1:2-4

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.

Isn't it the truth that in the test the true colors of my foundation show. I'm always amazed the cracks I find. Every test I want to jump out of and run from because it kills my flesh. Turning the carnal areas of my life and molding them to the character of God.

I won't prematurely jump out of a test, for fear I will get burnt up in the fire instead I am going to welcome the purification process so that the cracks on my foundation grow smaller and smaller. I will trust the Heavenly Father to hold me and care for me during the tests so that it does its work in me. 

Lord can I just say, must I really walk these tests? If I must than please care for me kindly and expose the cracks that need to be filled with your goodness and character.

Pain is a part of our human life. The bible says it rains on the just and the unjust (Matthew 5:45). James calls us to consider it all joy when we meet trials of various kinds. In this you produce a steadfastness rooted into a mature faith. 

Pain has a voice. Our immediate reaction to pain in our lives is to make it stop. Figure it out how to make it stop. Change the course so that it doesn’t hurt so much. The lie we believe is that we can control our pain. Sometimes our pain isn’t a fruit of something we have done but something that was inflicted on us. 

The good news is we weren’t designed to just know how to deal with pain.
That is why we need a savior. There is so much judgement on oneself in how you deal with pain or why you can’t shake it. Losing the ability to get out of a pit. Pain is not in Heaven and it wasn't in our human ecosystem originally. The only way to deal with pain and release it is to allow the Holy Spirit to work through you in the midst of the trial helping you to count it joy, producing perseverance and ultimately building a confidence to live out of that pit.

Pain is a pit. That emotion is like a prison. Allowing myself to be angry will motivate me to get out of the pit rather than make a home there. If doubt remains in me that I have to stay just learning how to muscle through this thing called pain than I’m truly not free from the pit.

 Jesus didn’t come to just help us muscle but to free us from pit. To live a life outside of the prison of oneself or others inflictions on us. He came to help produce in us the confidence that we can make it out and we can live victorious.